5 Steps to Help Attract Your Lover to You

The most frequent question I get when I counsel people on the phone is how do I attract my soul mate.  One of the most powerful things I know of that you can do to attract your lover to you, is to raise your energy to become a more attractive human being.  And, by attractive, I don’t mean necessarily “good looking.”  Plenty of good looking women (and men) still end up with their hearts broken in a state of despair, unhappy with themselves, their partners, and their lives.   So, how do you become more attractive to your partner?   Here are five ways how.

  1. Know Yourself.  I always tell people, the most attractive thing in life is a confident person.  Confident people trust that they can have what they want in life.  So much so, it practically falls right into their laps.  How do you get to that confident place?  Begin by getting really clear about what you want, don’t want, and what you will, and will not tolerate.   Then, trust sooner or later you will get what you want.  So, don’t put up with, or allow for, what you don’t want in your life. Only then will you be able to attract what you do want to you.
  2. Love Yourself.   Remember, we teach other people how to treat us.  Too many of us allow for lousy treatment and behavior.  Hey, for a long time in my life, I did that as well.  Until I understood how to get “well-full.”  Well-full is the word I use (instead of wellness), to remember that as a loving person I can’t love others, unless I love myself as well.  Why?  Because if my own “well” isn’t “full” of love, joy, energy, purpose, fun, then I don’t have any of that to give to others.  When I am empty, or near empty, I don’t serve others, by allowing them to further deplete my low reserves.  I deserve love too. Along these lines, when it comes to other people, don’t read words, read behaviors!  Actions do speak louder than words.  Put your focus on what a person does, not says, and how he/she is actually treating you.  Then, be confident enough and love yourself enough to let crummy treatment go.  As I have told my clients for decades now, when all you get is crumbs from someone, face it, you are in a crummy relationship.
  3. Love Your Life.   Whether you are in, or out, of a relationship, you need to keep your energy high.  How?  By creating as much as possible an experience of being alive!  Think about it.  Who are you attracted to?  People who are depressed, bored, troubled, angry – or people who are happy, energetic, excited, curious, open, compassionate, full of self-esteem, fun, and joy?  Now, which kind of person are you?  And, if you are not the kind of person you would be attracted to, how can you become that person?   Start by thinking of one practical thing you can do to start that process now.  Then, go and do it.  Forget about taking giant leaps.  Most of us get there faster by taking baby steps.  I’ve been known to tell my clients who want to lose weight that the very first step I want them to take is to go to a gym and sit in a parking lot.  It may sound silly, but at least they got the process started.  Remember, I believe in you!  So, get started.  Take the baby steps.   Do
    something each and every day to help you love your life.
  4. Understand Sex Isn’t Love.  One of the biggest mistakes women make is to assume sex equals love.  It doesn’t.  We think sex equals love because when orgasm takes place, oxytocin is released from our brains, and oxytocin is the “love” chemical in our biology.  But, here is the kicker!  When a man has an orgasm, he feels that chemical release for maybe one or two hours.  When a woman gets an oxytocin release, she can experience it for a day or longer.  Thus, a woman feels more attached to a man she is having a sex with.  Biologically even, a man does not!   Men also live in a culture that teaches them they have perceived higher status if they sleep with a lot of women.  Sixty years ago, this wasn’t the case.  Men had more pressure from society to get married and stay married and affairs were more taboo.  Now, they are common place.  Sadly, we women are catering to men with sex thinking it will get us a man’s love.  It won’t.  It will get us sex.  That’s all.  Worse, it can actually biologically age us.  Why?  Because brain research shows when a woman has a break from the bonding she experiences through sex, another chemical is poured into her system, cortisol.  Cortisol is released during stress,and  is responsible for aging us, because research shows women feel stressed when the “love” bond is too rapidly broken.  This stress cortisol dump is one reason women get hysterical and depressed.  So, love yourself and your life enough to not fool yourself that sex will get a man’s love.  It won’t.  Enjoy the sex if you want, but keep your wits about you.  You will stay far more attractive and realistic if you don’t get the two confused.
  5. Become a High Status Person.  No, I don’t want you to become a snob, believing you are above everyone else.  And, I am not talking about becoming aloof or unapproachable.  I am talking about knowing you have worth, and not letting other people degrade your worth.  Whatever your unique talents and gifts are, make sure that the people around you are taking the time to see those talents and gifts, and that they are respecting that you have them.   I call this “the auction effect.”  Have you ever been on EBay or at an auction, and noticed that an item that started out only costing $5, suddenly is sold for $50?  What has happened here?  The perceived value has gone up.  That is what I want to happen with you.  I want your perceived value to go up.  In terms of relationships, that means allowing other people to help you increase your worth.  Then you don’t get taken for granted (even if you are already in a committed relationship or married).  By becoming more attractive, by staying attractive, the people you are with feel your value.  They may even feel your value going up.  Then, they don’t want to lose you, because you end up meaning that much more to them.  That is the beauty of the auction effect, and what I want you to experience as well.

There are my five most powerful tips.  Having shared them with you, I look forward (as a best-selling author in the Love and the Law of Attraction), to helping you learn them, embody them, and become a more attractive and loving soul.  Then, your lover will not only be more attracted to you, he/she will want to keep you forever, and ever more.

Love and blessings,



Copyright 2011 by Dr. Lisa Love. All rights reserved.







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